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“Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting,” Psalm 139:23-24, NIV.

If I’m being completely honest, there are times I really don’t want God to search me. There are times I feel too vulnerable or afraid to want to know the truth of who I am.

Yes, I am a sinner saved by God’s grace with the redemption of His Son, Jesus. I am an heir of God, miraculously brought into God’s family as a beloved daughter. I fully believe and accept this truth.

There is also the fact that I have a sin nature. I want my way over God’s. Asking God to search me, takes courage at times. God might reveal something I don't want to give up or expose that which will take a lot of work to mature. And I need to ask myself the question, do I trust God? Will He overwhelm me? The answer is, "No, He will not." God will only give me that which I can handle as I walk with Him. He is a good God. When I remember this, I pray--"Search me."

I know I have other choices. I can ignore the inevitable or be proactive.

One can also choose to cruise. I know someone who used yesterday’s victories as fuel for today’s righteousness. During these seasons of wearing a historic victor's medal, they tended to postpone present opportunities to serve God. Missing out on some beautiful chances to be a part of God's

on-going work.

Yet, despite the work that might be required, I will ask. Because I have agreed to run this Christian race for God’s glory. So, I will ask God to search me. But first I will ask for His strength and His joy, enabling me to accept His comments with a good attitude….

And do you know what I found?

I found a kind and gentle Savior desiring for my best. He wants me to stay in shape to help others around me. To share with those who struggle, that they are not alone. I also was reminded of His great love for me, and as He shows me what to work on, He does so with compassion and helpful hints.

Today God showed me that I have been relying on one strength and ignoring two weakness, that need strengthening. Yes, I have more than one strength, and I also have more than two weaknesses. My Heavenly Father knows that as well. But He only gives me what I can handle.

So, I will learn how to deepen my love for others and be slower to speak.

God loves me, this I know. For the Bible, and His Spirit, tells me so.

And because He loves me, He wants me to be healthy and in good shape for His kingdom. I’m not healthy if I’m afraid to ask what needs to be fixed. Sometimes these searching check-ins I find a Savior who just wants to go for a walk and enjoy His creation together.

How are you doing today? When was the last time you asked God to search you?

Father,

You are a good Father. You love Your children so much. I am honored to be one of them.

Thank You for making a relationship with You possible. The sacrifice of Your own Son, Jesus, is something I don’t think I will fully understand until I’m home in glory with You.

Suffice to say, I know it was devastating. But You did it anyway.

“Thank You” is so limited and incomplete. “I surrender all” seems more fitting.

So, Father, search me and know my heart; try me and see if there is anything unworthy in me for my complete surrender to happen.

You are: Worthy. Honored. Good. Kind.

I love You.

Amen.